I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
