You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
