Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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