I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
