they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
