Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
