I got her a Nickelback box set.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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