In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
