I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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