I just pynch a tree in the face
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
