I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
