Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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