Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
