He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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