I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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