I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She needs sedatives and a leash
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
