I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
