i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think my moral compass just broke
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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