haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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