i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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