Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
