Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
