I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
