ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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