My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
