someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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