Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
