I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
