Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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