and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
