that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
