So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
