I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
