yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
