But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
