he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
