My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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