I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
