Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
