dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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