I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
