My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
