is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
