Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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