sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
