U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you would pick up someone in the library
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
