how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
