i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
