They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
