he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
