Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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