I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
