I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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