What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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