is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
