And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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